This has been what I’ve needed today, I am profoundly deaf and it is hard! I Feel out of my depth when I’m out in public, when I try to follow a conversation while in a cafe, because there is lots of noise around, when I look around at times it seems for everyone else is so easy. Is not how it is for me. I always get sinus infections, ear ache because I have Eustachian tube dysfunction, feeling like I was underwater was a normal feeling for me growing up and still is.
I never realised I couldn’t hear properly, i knew there was something not right because there is a lot of things I couldn’t do growing up, jumping into water hurt like crazy, flying the pressure would be so intense at times, people closing a car boot effected my ears, can’t get water in my ears at all because it causes infections every-time. Also can’t pop my own ears while on a flight because the pressure is insane an feels like my ear drums are going to explode when I try to pop them so I have to just wait for them to pop on their own (NOT FUN!). This is just naming just a few
I always thought there was something wrong with me, I didn’t understand how I couldn’t follow a group conversation when everyone around me was doing fine. For me group events were exhausting an I would get emotional and I never understood why. I honestly just assumed I wasn’t handling it as good as everyone else did.
It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s I decided to talk about it with a friend asking did she have the same struggles I had always known because I was exhausted an emotional after we went for lunch, I had had enough. She said she didn’t experience what I experienced an asked….have I ever had a hearing test (didn’t even no there was such a thing haha) An that’s when I decided to go and have a hearing test, i then had many many more tests at the hospital and found out I was profoundly deaf. I didn’t really understand what that meant but when I got my hearing aids I was shocked that a light switch made a noise that you could hear. I never knew that! I also didn’t know you could hear a kettle boil I thought the light was the only indicator. So I had a new world opened up for me of little things that became new things.
I still really struggle when I’m out to know what people are saying, i have to read lips (to the best I can). I have to check the roads multiple times before I ever cross. Even going shopping can at times be exhausting or if I have to ask a question… I’m afraid I cannot hear the answer clearly. When I take my hearing aids out I realise how bad my hearing is, at times it’s quite scary, because if I have them out I wouldn’t hear my buzzer in my flat or if there was an emergency I would be unaware. I’m going to look into what is available out there for my own safety.
It’s so hard and at times I feel silly for getting upset. When I’m out it’s those times I realise the difference An the struggles are magnified. Simple tasks take up so much energy it’s weird. So mostly I stay indoors in my own home, where I know everything is and don’t have to struggle to super concentrate on things etc,
For me I have to constantly allow myself to take time to know how I’m feeling, to acknowledge it and not let it all build up and then explode haha! But I am learning the importance of acknowledging how I’m feeling because it matters! More than I ever thought
I prayed for years for my ears to be sorted (whatever was wrong) I didn’t get the answer how I had hoped BUT He did answer! Just not the way I expected. I now have regular hearing tests an might need cochlear implants (I don’t ever want them) so I speak over my ears, God has been with me every step and when I’m alone and having a moment of being upset He is right there with me.
I have now learned when I allow myself to take a moment it really does make a HUGE difference! Because I know where I’m at and how I feel, or how something made me feel and that has been a HUGE blessing! That I never knew would be possible
Know your feelings, acknowledge them, An move forward it’s ok!