Know how you feel

This has been what I’ve needed today, I am profoundly deaf and it is hard! I Feel out of my depth when I’m out in public, when I try to follow a conversation while in a cafe, because there is lots of noise around, when I look around at times it seems for everyone else is so easy. Is not how it is for me. I always get sinus infections, ear ache because I have Eustachian tube dysfunction, feeling like I was underwater was a normal feeling for me growing up and still is.

I never realised I couldn’t hear properly, i knew there was something not right because there is a lot of things I couldn’t do growing up, jumping into water hurt like crazy, flying the pressure would be so intense at times, people closing a car boot effected my ears, can’t get water in my ears at all because it causes infections every-time. Also can’t pop my own ears while on a flight because the pressure is insane an feels like my ear drums are going to explode when I try to pop them so I have to just wait for them to pop on their own (NOT FUN!). This is just naming just a few

I always thought there was something wrong with me, I didn’t understand how I couldn’t follow a group conversation when everyone around me was doing fine. For me group events were exhausting an I would get emotional and I never understood why. I honestly just assumed I wasn’t handling it as good as everyone else did.

It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s I decided to talk about it with a friend asking did she have the same struggles I had always known because I was exhausted an emotional after we went for lunch, I had had enough. She said she didn’t experience what I experienced an asked….have I ever had a hearing test (didn’t even no there was such a thing haha) An that’s when I decided to go and have a hearing test, i then had many many more tests at the hospital and found out I was profoundly deaf. I didn’t really understand what that meant but when I got my hearing aids I was shocked that a light switch made a noise that you could hear. I never knew that! I also didn’t know you could hear a kettle boil I thought the light was the only indicator. So I had a new world opened up for me of little things that became new things.

I still really struggle when I’m out to know what people are saying, i have to read lips (to the best I can). I have to check the roads multiple times before I ever cross. Even going shopping can at times be exhausting or if I have to ask a question… I’m afraid I cannot hear the answer clearly. When I take my hearing aids out I realise how bad my hearing is, at times it’s quite scary, because if I have them out I wouldn’t hear my buzzer in my flat or if there was an emergency I would be unaware. I’m going to look into what is available out there for my own safety.

It’s so hard and at times I feel silly for getting upset. When I’m out it’s those times I realise the difference An the struggles are magnified. Simple tasks take up so much energy it’s weird. So mostly I stay indoors in my own home, where I know everything is and don’t have to struggle to super concentrate on things etc,

For me I have to constantly allow myself to take time to know how I’m feeling, to acknowledge it and not let it all build up and then explode haha! But I am learning the importance of acknowledging how I’m feeling because it matters! More than I ever thought

I prayed for years for my ears to be sorted (whatever was wrong) I didn’t get the answer how I had hoped BUT He did answer! Just not the way I expected. I now have regular hearing tests an might need cochlear implants (I don’t ever want them) so I speak over my ears, God has been with me every step and when I’m alone and having a moment of being upset He is right there with me.

I have now learned when I allow myself to take a moment it really does make a HUGE difference! Because I know where I’m at and how I feel, or how something made me feel and that has been a HUGE blessing! That I never knew would be possible

Know your feelings, acknowledge them, An move forward it’s ok!

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Don’t be afraid to let go

I came across this image this morning and it has really stuck with me.

Sometimes we try to hold onto things that aren’t meant for us to hold onto, we continue working/volunteering in a certain position, maybe a friendship/relationship that isn’t going anywhere or is causing too much drama than you need. Sometimes it’s areas we know we enjoy but feel like we’re just going round and round doing the same things day in day out feeling their is no more room left to grow and learn in.

In my own life I have done things I knew it was time to move on and do something new but I stayed but I was so unhappy, no matter how I tried it didn’t change. I ended up becoming frustrated because I had reached a place where I felt ‘stuck’ an sort of like I was just existing and not living! BUT when I decided it was time to go it was like this relief and excitement came over me. I felt free for the first time in a long time if you get me.

Even though I didn’t know what was next or what doors would open up for me but I did it anyway.

I went through seasons where I felt I made a mistake, I was upset, I missed it, I feel I missed more the comfortzone I was in, I knew what to do in the comfortzone, it was easy BUT God is good and He always has new things in store. I had to be really careful not to talk myself going back to certain things because it was convenient, I knew how to do the things I had let go of.

I have had to let go of relationships that we’re not good for me even though I enjoyed their company and had a laugh but there was just nothing substantial in the relationship and I knew it was time to let go and branch out.

False Responsibility is NOT FUN! I’ve been learning to ‘let go’ of that and it isn’t always easy… IT HURTS. This is a journey to walk out, For me, I have always been a ‘fixer’ and when situations have come up I automatically try to ‘fix’ it but I have come to learn that I am NOT God, An things that I can’t change, things that aren’t my responsibility I go to God and give it to Him, prayer is more effective than anything I try to do in my own strength.

I have recently decided to refuse to allow myself to get sick anymore because of stress/worry when it’s not my responsibility. An usually I would be the one totally stressing and making myself ill…. when the person who’s issue it is…. they ain’t stressing or worrying at all because they knew I would sort it. I have drew a line In The sand with that one. It isn’t good and it definitely isn’t right!

Also, Sometimes we have to let go of things when we don’t know the reason ‘WHY’ in those times we have to Trust our gut instinct and let go. These times are not always easy, it isn’t automatic change, it’s a day by day, step by step process BUT NO MATTER THE SITUATION IT IS ARE POSSIBLE!

I have moved so many different places over the last 5 years, to places I never even knew existed, it’s been hard, I’ve been lonely, I have worked hard… but I’m now at a place where I trust and do what I feel I need to do. The change that has taken place in my life because of my obedience is HUGE! That’s what I choose to focus on because we don’t always see the change happening BUT it’s when a situation arises and you do things in the ‘new way’ that you’ve been preparing for (weather you realised it or not) that you soon see the benefits of going through the hard times, stepping out, doing something new, “LETTING GO” because it does pay off, it does get easier, and most importantly it IS possible!!

So today LET GO and LET GOD move you to the place you need to be, allow Him to guide you to where He wants you to go, step out into the NEW…. do what He is asking you to do. Honestly it will be worth it and it won’t hurt forever! Allow Him to give you His best for your life! You can do it! Everything you need IS IN HIM!

Don’t settle for the comfortzone, don’t allow yourself get trapped into just existing. You have permission to Live your life in happiness and freedom An to do what you desire to do, you are allowed to set goals and reach them all. People at times will make you feel that you are wrong or try to keep you trapped doing what you no longer want to do (sometimes this happens an it’s more for their benefit and not yours). BE BOLD and let go an see the adventure God will take you on! He will be with you each and every step of the way, He WILL NOT abandon you! He will not trick you, He loves you and wants the very best for you more than you know!

So Take time to look at every area in your life and ask God to show you changes He would like you to make. Maybe even in situations ask Him for a new way of doing things it doesn’t always have to be to move somewhere or end a relationship. At times it can be just as hard to set boundaries or not be the fixer in every situation. Maybe it can be allowing yourself to let go of the false responsibility!

Whatever it is… YOU CAN DO IT!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!!

God is able

Wherever life finds your right now sit a moment and think what areas of your life would be different if your TRULY believed this and stood on it.

I want to keep this constantly I front of my face! Not getting used to the quote where it becomes Meaningless and just in my head, BUT that It goes deep down into my heart, that I stand on it and expect it to be so in every area of my life.

As the church whenever we switch on the news etc we should not be afraid or discouraged. We have the greater one inside us! We should then take everything to God in prayer KNOWING, TRUSTING, BELIEVING that God has the answer for EVERY situation/circumstance. Our prayers are heard, they are powerful, we MUST pray for our nation, our government, all people in authority!

I want to look at EVERY person, knowing that NO ONE is too far gone for God, NO ONE is beyond help, NO ONE should be left out, EVERYONE deserves a second change no matter what! I find sometimes I don’t think this way when I’m in front of a situation, or I see how far a person is in their sin etc. It’s not right! When I walk this way I end up with fear, stress and I’m discouraged.

GOD does not want us to see people that way, God Loves every person with all His heart. He longs to be in relationship with them, He wants to show them things and share things with them, He really wants them to know who HE has called them to be, He has dreams only for them to fulfil. In God no one is a lost cause!

I don’t want to look at things from a worldly perspective because I find when I do that I end up trying to do things in my own strength. BUT I want to see through Jesus’ eyes! I want to see people as HE sees them, I want to help and bless anyone and everyone I come into contact with!

God can do anything! He is well able and nothing NO THING is too hard for Him. He has every answer anyone will ever need, He can change a situation in an instant if He wants to.

All the darkness so far in this world IS NOT a surprise to God, things don’t happen an take Him by surprise, people don’t be born on this earth without Him knowing haha you can’t just sneak into earth, HE FORMED YOU, and knew at the very beginning of times the date you would be conceived and born. You know each man on this earth has free will. We can choose life or choose death.

It’s our responsibility to follow him, to keep our hearts right, to have self control.

We can achieve anything we want through Him! We can get to a place where forgiveness is automatic, where loves oozes from us into every area and also onto everyone we come into contact with, we can get to a place where we are unshakable an unmovable no matter what comes our way! We CAN get to a place where we can stand firm no matter what BUT WE NEED GOD, we need to choose to fix our eyes on Him, we need to choose to Run to Him, to Speak Life over our lives!

It takes discipline, patience, study etc on our part BUT we will never be disappointed in doing things HIS WAY, WITH HIM AND THROUGH HIM!

Remember every person in ‘your world’ is to be LOVED, is to be encouraged, is to be treated with respect. Is to be believed in, no matter what they’ve done, haven’t done, or their current life choices. We are to love everyone and treat them how we would like to be treated, it isn’t always easy… BUT it’s not impossible!

NO ONE- is too far gone for God not to be able to reach

NO ONE deserves to be treated unfairly

NO ONE is unreachable

NO ONE!

We are to Love! And to be an example to ALL MEN! Looking at every person we come in contact with God’s eyes, seeing them how He sees them, treating them how He would treat them. Let’s decide to walk a life that whenever we come into contact with people that they always see Him In all that we say and do.

The world would be a much nicer place, if we all stood together and lived How the bible says we are to live, an if everyone stopped living a ‘pick n mix’ Christian life. Only picking the scriptures they like, that are easy. Holding onto the worlds way of handling and doing thing.

We are to live in ALL the bible has, we are in the world but NOT to be of it. We are to live, think, act, speak differently to the world. You can’t pick and choose just to suit yourself. The bible is full of Truth! When we choose to trust and believe and walk in everything it says we won’t be disappointed or missing out on things. We will be a light wherever we go, we will be a blessing to everyone we come In contact with. God will use us!

So today, think of people In Your life you have stopped believing in, maybe you’ve gave up praying for someone, start praying again, maybe when you see them encourage them, love on them.

God is so good! See EVERY ONE through His lenses and watch what He will do😁 God loves you and looks forward to working with you and through you. You won’t be disappointed! An neither will anyone you come into contact with.

You are Loved

Wherever today finds you know that regardless of situations or circumstances YOU ARE LOVED!

For me I can honestly say I love the single life😂 I never feel lonely In The sense because I don’t have a man in my life. I enjoy getting up an going wherever I like when I like.

One day I would like to be married but right now I enjoy this time and really so make the most of it 🙂

Wherever life finds you right now, weather single, separated, divorced whatever. Do something for YOU today! Make your day count. It’s easy to focus on what you don’t have, but treat yourself, but some chocolates, flowers or maybe even a new movie so that you can curl up later and relax😁

You are Loved by God not just on this Valentine’s Day, BUT 7days a week, 52 weeks of the year 24-7 🙌 I love that! And am so thankful for it.

You are not defined by status, you are defined by God and He know you better than anyone and even yourself.

If your a wee bit upset make new memories for Valentine’s Day an allow your day to be different than the years previous.

Buy a book, Buy flowers, buy chocolates, a movie WHATEVER makes you smile and happy treat yourself. Get good at making a day like today count 😁

For me, I’m single (this day doesn’t bother me) BUT I do treat myself… the daffodils I bought this week are today starting to bloom and my tulips are looking beautiful too. I made brownies last night, so I’m going to relax this evening and watch a movie (haven’t decided which one) an have warm brownie with some ice-cream haha it really is the little things!

Let God comfort you and strengthen you if you are struggling, I am not downsizing or wanting you to deny your feeling BUT I want to shift your focus to not be on all the sadness or lobbies it might be making you feel. Look after YOU and treat yourself, I want your day to be nicer than yesterday An better than last year.

You are worth it! You are not forgotten, You are not defined by your status, you are enough and you are so so so LOVED! So make today count!

You can do it!

Change is everyone’s choice

I have seen in myself, there have been times when I was so afraid to try something new. I ended up staying in my safe bubble, the bubble was only filled with things I knew and things that I was comfortable doing. But outside that bubble was so much things I missed out on, memories I never got to create.

My life was full of coping mechanisms that I put in place to protect myself and I never let anyone in and put on a brave face pretending everything in my life was good and ok. When behind the masks was a totally different picture.

I soon realised that my life wasn’t going anywhere literally I worked in my job and I never thought it would do anything different in my life so that job was gona be mine forever, I always saw myself living at home where I grew up. My view was so limited. In order for me to change I HAD TO CHANGE, I had to step out of my safe bubble and really put God’s word into practice and not let fear dominate me anymore.

Being a Christian I was afraid to believe certain things because I was so scared of what that meant for me to do, I got to the point I had some scriptures I stood on but really had no idea of what those scriptures fully meant (my perception was limited). I had to learn to trust, learn to believe in New things an ask for help, in order for me to change because as I grew in my faith I realised I had so many areas that I didn’t allow God Into, I hid so much from Him (even though He seen it all and knew about everything already) but I was afraid all the time.

I went to help out at a camp one summer An was terrified I was asked would I like to help and automatically said no, but a few days before I knew I had to do it (wasn’t an audible voice but it was a niggling feeling an it wouldn’t stop) I went and the week was so terrifying An I don’t think I did a great job, BUT I had to learn to celebrate the small but huge breakthroughs because I DID IT! I had never put myself out there like that before so I was proud I did it regardless of how it went.

Meeting the people who I met was refreshing, they were all so happy An weren’t pretending and when they talked to me, it wasn’t just talking because they ‘had to’ it was a new thing because I could feel that they genuinely wanted to know (A new experience for me).

Over the next 2 years I went to to help at their church for every event they had, but I was still saying No to things but I never knew I did that. It was like an automatic response but each time I went it was building confidence in me that I didn’t even realise, soon I was frustrated because I was going to church hearing the word but my environment would not allow me to believe whole heartedly for the things God wanted for me.

Then in 2011 (2years after I first helped st the camp) I was asked at the end of the camp would I like the job looking after 4 kids in the daycare. Of course I automatically said No because I didn’t believe I could do that An didn’t want to let them down. But the same thing happened before I was due to travel 5hrs back home again I had that niggling feeling and I knew I had to take it, so I went to the pastor told her I would do it, but if it didn’t work out for me looking after the kiddies I needed another job (I wasn’t prepared to move and the. Have to move back home again that wasn’t an option) so I went home and 4 weeks later I moved to a new city, far from my normal surroundings.

Since then I have moved to 3 different cities that I did t even know existed haha I have travelled to country’s I never imagined possible. All because I said YES, I knew I needed to change and I’m so thankful I accepted the challenge doing whatever I’ve needed to do to be where I am today!

The process was not easy An I am still on my way, I have had to overcome so much and it kind of surprised me as I was moving forward how Fear had its grip on me in every area. If someone had of told me stop being afraid… I would’ve been hurt because I didn’t see it, but over time I began to see and learn things about myself. My flesh cried out and wanted DAILY to flip back into my coping mechanisms haha, I ended up doing s discipleship programme and when I arrived there I told God I am here to get everything you have for me, I will do whatever you want me to do I SAY YES. I am still learning daily new levels of Freedom. My life is so good now! I am a totally different person, when I speak God’s word I totally believe it and am no longer afraid of the outcome. I have decided that whatever He wants me to do I will do it, wherever He wants me to go, I will go. I have walk journeys where I have had nothing, no money, no home, but God always came through right on time! Now I look to Him knowing He has done it before therefore HE WILL do it again!

•But I had to want to change

•I had to say Yes

•No one could do it for me, no one could make me do things that I was not ready to do.

I have found… In life some people will moan and groan about their situations or circumstances, even asking for help when they have no intention of doing anything to change their situation. They will cry out that they want change but don’t want to rock the boat in order to get what they are looking.

If you want the areas of your life to change YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE CHOICE, YOU HAVE TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. No one can do it for you, you can’t continue to do the same things and get different results, it doesn’t work like that (even though sometimes I would love it to happen) but we have to choose, when I first started my journey to freedom it wasn’t easy at all, I wanted to quit more times than I would like to admit. But I started to speak to myself (Speak Life) telling myself it won’t always be this hard, I will get to where I am supposed to be, I can do this, I am not alone, God is with me always, He is by my side, He won’t give up on me or let me go.

I have had to walk through things only having God and no one around me, it’s been tough BUT i have to remind myself I am growing, I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing and I am where I am supposed to be and a lot of the time when I do that I am strengthened to continue another day. I am no long just existing I am truly living my life doing new things all the time.

I have had to learn that the people who don’t want to change… I am not responsible for them, I can pray for them BUT it is not my job to fix their situations (that was life changing revelation for me) In my own life I had to do it, no one could do it for me. Each time I stepped out I had no idea what was on the other side of my obedience but I took the step! I will encourage and I will cheer people on but I no longer accept false responsibility for things that are not mine. If someone wants to change I will do whatever I can (because it took people to come along side me and help me and show me) I will do that no problem at all. But when they say they want change but don’t want to do anything about it I offer to pray and leave it at that because there is nothing I can do for them because it will be me trying to be God in their life and I no longer do that. I am not God I am Me and God is God He is the only God anyone will ever need!

It’s not easy peasy having to live this way when all you’ve known is being the fixer for everyone. You learn to stand your ground and not be manipulated into doing it (the enemy never has new things he is t that smart) no matter how intense it gets STAND it won’t last forever. I know this new way of life for me is how I prefer to live it really is the right way! An I WILL NOT settle or go back to my old ways just to please people. I know WHO I AM and also WHOSE I am.

I would like to say if there are areas in your life where you need CHANGE be bold, be brave and decide today to step out and start the journey… you WILL NOT be disappointed. You will achieve your goals and way more than you could have imagined. No matter the situation or circumstance God has the answer and He will lead and guide you to where you need to go or what you need to do. DO IT an see what happens. I’m cheering you on! And I want to say I believe in YOU! If God can do it in my life I know for sure He will do it I. Your life too!!!

Do something nice FOR YOU

Do something nice for yourself, buying some flowers (like I have done this morning, or buy the favourite chocolate bar you like…. something that can be enjoyed by YOU.

In a world where everything is wanting our attention, weather your a mum an have the kiddies needing your attention, or maybe a family member that needs your help, or work whatever has your attention REMEMBER to treat yourself too.

As I bought these flowers an I’m sitting enjoying a cup of tea looking at the different colours an also excited for the process of the daffodils bloom.

I’m noticing that every time I buy things for ME I notice I pay attention in the moment, I recognize how they make me feel an everytime I do something to treat myself I’m never disappointed. It doesn’t have to be expensive things my tulips were reduced haha an I’m so so thankful! They will make me smile everytime I see them over this next week or two.

The thing is, We can become so great at looking after everyone else and treating everyone else that we forget about ourselves YOU ARE IMPORTANT TOO!

I’ve decided this year I’m going to aim to buy MYSELF flowers once a month every month this year to get into a routine of treating ME, they don’t have to be expensive flowers, or the dearest bunch, just a bunch of flowers that you like An will enjoy. It also doesn’t always have to be flowers but flowers is what I have chosen.

Think about what you love, what makes you smile and remember YOUR SO SO WORTH IT!

#Treatyourself #Youreworthit #Toyou #fromyou #withlove

Loneliness

Loneliness is HARD!

I’ve been through years of complete isolation. Having no one to ring when I’ve needed, I had some people that I thought would become close friends but I had to book in advance in order to have a conversation, or meet up. When something funny happened or I learned a new thing I had to keep it inside because I had absolutely no one to share it with in that moment.

It was hard when I did have my “booked conversation” because even though I was talking to someone I didn’t feel like I could be real so I would then act like everything is fine because there was no point revealing all when they didn’t want to listen or because I knew I wouldn’t get to talk again for a few weeks… sometimes longer so they quickly became a ‘say what they want to hear’ conversations. It was awful.

People a lot of the time say “your not alone” which really just dismisses where your at an it kind of shuts down your opportunity for being real (not complaining or moaning but getting things off your chest with where your at.

When people did this, it made me personally not want to be real because people didn’t just listen and let me get it out, they answered so fast An changed the subject of the conversation. That was harder than spending all day/week with seeing no one and not talking.

It’s so important to LISTEN to people, let them speak openly and honestly an also be there for him. Giving your time could be the greatest gift you could ever give to someone.

For me I know God is with me always. But not having human interaction or anyone to talk to when you need it IS NOT EASY, you really miss it (when you didn’t even know that was possible).

Sometimes you have to just just keep going when it’s hard, keep pressing forwards believing that soon it will be over. You have to fight to stay living because sometimes you think what is the point. No one would miss you, your life doesn’t bring any value. It’s really not good.

For me I moved away from everyone and everything I’ve ever known. So that I can be safe, live the life that God has already planned for me. I knew some people, but I learned very fast that I wasn’t going to have them in my world. I tried LOTS of things to get to know people but it was like no one cared an no one wanted to know me, meet me, spend time with me. I had never experienced that in my life being totally alone and isolated.

I know I am where I’m supposed to be, so for that I have to keep going and I believe SOON that I will make connections an no longer being fully isolated and lonely.

Loneliness isn’t always by choice, a lot of people brush of the importance to combat loneliness down playing the seriousness of it . There are people who end up lonely because they like their own company an loose contact with friends, which I think is so sad that they’ve been left to become completely lonely an isolated. Whatever the reason Loneliness is NOT OK for anyone.

For me I have moved to a completely new area, where I know no one, some people that I knew it seemed like I had to do all the work, I had to text in order for them to text me. I tried to meet up with people an I either

…. didn’t get a response or got told they would get back to me (and didn’t) or no matter how hard I tried it never worked out.

But once I decided to stop doing all the work, stop texting people. It was really sad because I quickly realised that I was alone and had no one at all, that they were never going to text me. An I think that was the hardest thing to accept, I believed that they would text an get in touch but it’s been years now An I never hear from them, they’re not in my world an it’s been hard because at this time in my life is when I needed people the most.

It was a struggle an still is.

For me when I start making friendships an building connections I will use what I’ve learned to be the greatest friend anyone could ever want. I will see the invisible person, the unseen, the unheard. I will give my time. I will LISTEN no matter what is needing to be shared or spoken.

Look out for those people in ‘your world’ who need a listening ear, those who need to know they Are Seen!

BE THIER PERSON who helps them, listens to them, encourages them An love them. Helping them to get connected to people and not be isolated any longer.

No one has to be alone, no one deserves it, it’s not something they choose.

Be a Light in someone’s world! You have something to give and also your presence to people will be totally priceless